Riding the Wave.

Life has been a little crazy these past 6 months, and when crazy times happen I sometimes lose my words.

I've been working in the campaign world. It has been crazy, difficult, fun, miserable, exciting, and educational at the same time. I have learned so much, and made new friends, and come November 5th it will all seem like an insane dream. Maybe it is an insane dream...somebody pinch me.

I don't know whats coming next, but I've been here before. People keep asking me "What's next? Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? What do you want to do?" And my answer has always been "I don't know." Sometimes I feel defeated and silly not knowing. Why don't I have these things figured out? Sure, I have dreams and goals, but I don't know how those dreams and goals will manifest themselves in my life. I don't have an end goal in mind, I don't have the perfect path planned out in front of me, because those plans will inevitably fail.

Right now, I am going to be okay not knowing. Life has a funny way of figuring itself out (thanks, God) and I just want to go with the flow. My planning has never worked in the past, every job I have ever had has just happened. No application, no weeks of misery, things just fall in to place. Now, this might not last forever, but I'm going to ride this wave as far as it will take me.

So now that I've said some words it's time to disappear into campaign land again. See you on the flip side!

Goodbye. Hello.

Sometimes I feel like all I do is say goodbye. I've said goodbye to friends, family, school, jobs, pets...you name it. Saying goodbye is never easy, even when it's the right thing to do. It's even harder when you aren't ready to say goodbye. Change is something that I have always struggled with, something that hurts and confuses and causes a lot of heartache. Even good change means that you are leaving something, or someone, behind. And that's hard.

For too long I have been afraid to say goodbye to certain things in my life. I have been terrified of what a new 'hello' might bring. But if I am ever going to have this crazy beautiful life I dream of, I can't be afraid to say hello. I want to grab those awesome opportunities that appear suddenly. I want to be brave enough to say a hello to a stranger. I want to stand tall and be confident enough to introduce myself to people I admire.

I am done letting goodbyes hold me back. I am done being afraid of a new hello. The end of one thing always signifies the beginning of something else. It might not happen right away. It might not be what you thought it would be. But something new comes with every hello. It's time to take a chance, do something that scares me, and believe that whatever comes, I will survive. Life is a whole series of goodbyes, followed by brand new hellos. I can do this.

Eleanor.

Sometimes I wish that on the day of your birth you were handed a road map to the rest of your life. There were no decisions left to be made, no struggling to figure out who you were or what you wanted to be, everything was already done. Sometimes I think, how much easier would life be if I didn't have to decide a single thing?

Right now I am struggling. I hate to admit it, but I am lost. Somehow I lost my map, or maybe someone took it, or maybe I never had it. Either way I have found myself wandering around not knowing where I am going. I always envisioned a life that was easy; jobs would find me, friends would always be close, I would find my person and settle down and that would be it. And so far...those things just aren't happening. And all I can do is wonder why.

I am blessed. I can't complain because my life has not been terrible. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but who doesn't go through that? There have been times when I thought I was on top of the world, and there have been times where it felt like the world was on top of me. And there have been times, like now, when I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

There is a silver lining to this whole mess though. I may not know where I am going, or how I am going to get there, but I do know who I am. I know that I am capable. I am strong. I am smart. I am a fighter, a go-getter, and I know that it gets better. One day I will figure out what I want, and then I will probably have to figure it all out again later on. That day may not come tomorrow, or next week, but it will come. And while I wait I am going to take the advice of a woman that I admire very much, and I am going to remember that it always gets better. Sometimes it just takes time.

1 thing to do instead of getting married at 23.

I recently posted an article on my Facebook wall  that caused quite the commotion. The article provided a list of things to do before you get married. When I read it I thought to myself, this is a pretty cool list, minus the whole ‘hang out naked in front of a window’ part. Yeah, NO THANKS! As a single 22 year old with no immediate plans of getting married I really appreciated the message. But then people started weighing in, pointing out how extremely negative and bitter the article sounded. And so, with a little push from a friend I have decided to write my own take on marriage before you are 23.

In 2013 four of my close friends got engaged. The first one got engaged on June 1^st and the last one on December 6^th.  Four engagements in 6 months is a lot, and those were just my close friends! During the holiday season it seems like there is a new engagement announced on facebook every other day. Tis the season.  If this had happened at any other point in my life I could have easily become bitter, annoyed, jealous. But luckily God taught me a very important message recently; I am so not ready for marriage, yet. But, I am SO ready to celebrate this stage of life with my friends.

I cannot wait to go dress shopping, to critique the bad dresses and cry at the good ones. I cannot wait to talk flowers and cake and décor. I cannot wait to watch my friends become brides, to pose for those cute pictures and make ridiculous faces in the funny ones. I can’t wait to watch my friends walk down the aisle to the men that will become their husbands. But most of all, I cannot wait to travel this journey that is a wedding with some of my very best friends. It is an opportunity for me to show them how much I love them, to show them how much I support them and how important they are to me. Because I could be bitter, I could be jealous of the love that they have found. But why would I do that? How selfish would it be to try to take even an ounce of happiness away from this special time in their life?

So, here is my list of 1 thing to do instead of getting married at 23.

1. Whatever you want.

That’s it. Do whatever you want. Do whatever feels right and true to you. If you want to get married before you are 23, do it. If you really want to hang out naked in front of a window, do it. Just let me know so I can be anywhere else.  

Oh and also, who came up with the idea that you either have to be young and wild and free and travel the world OR get married and settle down? I say be both. Get married and travel the world with your spouse, have crazy fun adventures and make awesome memories. Or don't get married and settle down. It’s your life, live it however the hell you want to.

In closing…that sounds like the end of an essay. But I’m just going to roll with it. In closing, my friend Angela (who is young and already married) made an excellent point when she shared the same article. Angela, who somehow always speaks truth into my life, said:

"If you get engaged and you don't think you can still be your crazy self, then its time to find someone who accepts you just as you are and even joins you in some of the crazy things you want to do. Do not get married if you think you can't be yourself, including randomly taking a trip to the other side of the world. Have fun and most importantly find someone who loves you for you and will not want to prevent you from being happy. WORD.”

WORD.