Goodbye. Hello.

Sometimes I feel like all I do is say goodbye. I've said goodbye to friends, family, school, jobs, pets...you name it. Saying goodbye is never easy, even when it's the right thing to do. It's even harder when you aren't ready to say goodbye. Change is something that I have always struggled with, something that hurts and confuses and causes a lot of heartache. Even good change means that you are leaving something, or someone, behind. And that's hard.

For too long I have been afraid to say goodbye to certain things in my life. I have been terrified of what a new 'hello' might bring. But if I am ever going to have this crazy beautiful life I dream of, I can't be afraid to say hello. I want to grab those awesome opportunities that appear suddenly. I want to be brave enough to say a hello to a stranger. I want to stand tall and be confident enough to introduce myself to people I admire.

I am done letting goodbyes hold me back. I am done being afraid of a new hello. The end of one thing always signifies the beginning of something else. It might not happen right away. It might not be what you thought it would be. But something new comes with every hello. It's time to take a chance, do something that scares me, and believe that whatever comes, I will survive. Life is a whole series of goodbyes, followed by brand new hellos. I can do this.

Eleanor.

Sometimes I wish that on the day of your birth you were handed a road map to the rest of your life. There were no decisions left to be made, no struggling to figure out who you were or what you wanted to be, everything was already done. Sometimes I think, how much easier would life be if I didn't have to decide a single thing?

Right now I am struggling. I hate to admit it, but I am lost. Somehow I lost my map, or maybe someone took it, or maybe I never had it. Either way I have found myself wandering around not knowing where I am going. I always envisioned a life that was easy; jobs would find me, friends would always be close, I would find my person and settle down and that would be it. And so far...those things just aren't happening. And all I can do is wonder why.

I am blessed. I can't complain because my life has not been terrible. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but who doesn't go through that? There have been times when I thought I was on top of the world, and there have been times where it felt like the world was on top of me. And there have been times, like now, when I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

There is a silver lining to this whole mess though. I may not know where I am going, or how I am going to get there, but I do know who I am. I know that I am capable. I am strong. I am smart. I am a fighter, a go-getter, and I know that it gets better. One day I will figure out what I want, and then I will probably have to figure it all out again later on. That day may not come tomorrow, or next week, but it will come. And while I wait I am going to take the advice of a woman that I admire very much, and I am going to remember that it always gets better. Sometimes it just takes time.